In October when I decided to downsize my work schedule to part time, I had sugar plum visions of how my life would change. I had already scouted out the best coffee shops for working on my blog, and day dreamed constantly about how suddenly I would have more time to focus on it, how I would have time for running by the river and yoga, and middle of the week brunch dates with friends who were home with their babies. I thought my mornings would revolve around sleeping in, dropping the babe off at nursery school, and casually strolling the pricey aisles of Whole Foods, cradling a cup of french pressed coffee in my hand.
First, although the timing felt perfect it also felt hectic. Turns out, when the seasons are changing is not always the best time for change. With fall approaching, there was so much I wanted to do. I researched new schools for Austyn, I took on the task of purging and minimizing our closets (which was NO easy feat!), I launched the blog, I explored part time income opportunities, all with the start of the holidays looming near. The holidays. I had already decided that we would do minimal Christmas. To me that meant, one big-ish gift to Austyn from me and T, and a few smaller gifts from my parents and siblings. We pared decorating down. Just a small tree. White lights. A few special ornaments. It was perfect for our style and our home. And we were happy and satisfied. However I still felt overwhelmed. Overwhelmed with that happiness and satisfaction. I felt so emotionally full. It was our first Christmas in our own, new apartment. It was the first Christmas Austyn was really aware of what was happening. So although I was stepping lightly with the commitments to gift exchanges, and parties, and not focusing on the consumerism aspect of the holiday, I was still reeling from the buzz of it all.
When you struggle to fit life in you will also struggle to fit blogging in. With it being the holidays during every holiday themed moment, like ice skating, or visiting the tree farm, for example, I found myself thinking "I should be blogging this" but I couldn't. I couldn't remove myself from moments to capture them in a blog worthy fashion so I stopped trying. Because so many blog posts around the holidays revolve around gift giving, gift guides, and consumerism I decided to just skip it. To check out and check back in with the new year. Looking back I could have blogged about our version of a minimalist holiday season and I wish I would have found the head space to do it.
One thing I am grateful for and is that when talking to my sister and best friends about my expectations vs reality they all kind of shrugged off my worry. They reminded me that change isn't always abrupt, but most often a transition. They reminded me to trust my transition.